I recently quit my job. Yes, I gave my boss the finger, knocked his golfing trophies to the floor, tossed my hair back with imperial haughtiness and walked out the door. Boy, did that feel good.
Okay, it really wasn’t that dramatic. Though I wish I had worked up the nerve to do exactly that. But I took the road less travelled, I opted for early retirement. Now before you go asking me where I’m going on holiday and who I’m leaving my cats with, I should probably mention that im only 29.
I’m told there is such a thing as a quarter-life crisis and maybe, just maybe, it’s happening to me. I feel fine though, in fact I haven’t felt this happy in a long time. The time had come to leave the mind-numbing monotony and drudgery behind. Even the fact that the job paid my rent and allowed me to misuse Zuku’s unlimited internet to watch re-runs of Gilmore Girls didn’t stop me from walking out. So when the option to retire early presented itself, I grabbed at it with both hands and ran screaming gleefully into the hills.
Never mind that I didn’t exactly know what I was going to do with the rest of my life once I left. Did you know, you can’t make a living off watching game of thrones and guessing correctly the next character that will be killed off? I don’t see how that’s not a real job, it’s a headache watching the show and not knowing which of your favorite characters is going to get his teeth knocked out in a most spectacular fashion! You see, I had never really thought about what I would do once I left because I had been leaving for so long that it had become just another thought like scrubbing my sufurias with steel wool or cleaning the pipes underneath the sink. Both practical ideas but rarely implemented.
Up until that point the thought of leaving had been an abstract thought, an elusive mist that couldn’t be captured, because if you tried to, it would evaporate and you would be left standing there, forlorn, staring at your hands with a confused look. But the abstract finally became reality and without looking back I rode off into the proverbial sunset. My friends thought I was crazy. Some chuckled and whispered annoyingly that I was trying to cross off as many things on my to-do list before I hit 30. Blasted friends! That was not even on the list. Watching the bull-run in Spain..now that’s something I’d like to cross of my list. Others were sure I had finally caught the big fish, a rich old man on the brink of death and with a wallet that would make you forget point A. I was supposedly off to some Greek Island to sip on some dry martinis and flirt with the cute bartender while the old guy adjusted his shorts and refilled his oxygen tank.
As delightful as all these scenarios were, they couldn’t have been further from the truth. The simple truth was that I actually had no plan B. Like the proverbial man on the plane, I had jumped off without a parachute and was now terror-struck, watching the ground come up to meet me and wondering if breaking all my bones would hurt like a bitch. Yet even the best laid plans sometimes go awry. And the worst decisions may surprise you with their outcome and lead you somewhere you never expected to go.
So now I’m stuck. I haven’t hit the ground yet and I’m wondering if maybe some strange man will appear out of nowhere with a sturdy mattress that I can land on. That sentence could be very easily misconstrued but I meant it literally. Or they could appear with a trampoline and save me from permanent spine damage and we could all have a merry laugh afterwards. Maybe someone will really catch me before I fall. I have faith that it will be alright. Faith is believing in what you cannot see, trusting that it’s there even when you’re peering into darkness.
Sometimes we don’t have to see the whole road before we start to walk on it. We might just need to see a few steps ahead to help us get on the road. I don’t have it all figured out. I wish I did because then it wouldn’t feel like I’m sitting around waiting for something to happen without knowing what that thing is. However, I can accentuate the positives and one of them is that my life is wide open. I can find out exactly what I want to do. Now is the time to find the path I really want to walk on.
So that’s why I decided to write. In the writing I find some catharsis for my soul and maybe also a small light on this new path.